Long post, but you only have to read the first two short par..

Long post, but you only have to read the first two short paragraphs if you don't really care for personal stuff! So first off I hope that for everyone who celebrates, you got to enjoy a very merry and pleasant Christmas! And even if you don't celebrate or, like me, maybe did not have the best time this year... you still have these pics! ❤️ I haven't gotten to check them yet, but thank you to those were so thoughtful as to send me a message wishing me happy holidays. 🥺 I also just lowered my sub price to 6.99 a month (from $10) to account for my change in page activity lately, the lack of activity will hopefully not last too long but the price will be here a while! ✨ I'd love to say that my inactivity has been a refreshing break or something constructive, but being truthful my lack of posting is because I've just hit a point in my mental health struggle, specifically with self esteem, where I'm not feeling happy or comfortable with myself/my body most days anymore, or *any* days lately. I know getting help is important at this point and I'm working towards that financially and logistically, but getting proper treatment for the specific things I deal with is complicated and in the meantime unfortunately it's hard for me to promise anything content wise or for my page; I don't have an hour of the day that isn't affected by my symptoms right now, and quite frankly to anyone who doesn't have experience with a severe mental illness I cannot describe what it's like to have it consuming your thoughts. Like LIVING a scary video game or a nightmare when everyone else is living their calm, peaceful reality next to you. I live in constant helplessly irrational, overpowering and often crippling fear of 'the worst' thing every moment of every day, even on the days that I'm committing all I have to positive thoughts and "good vibes". And I feel like I have an objectively easy, nice life, but I'm not really able to really appreciate that or much of anything right now because I'm permanently exhausted by the paralyzing anxiety, paranoia, and general neuroticism that sticks with me from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. I hate being so dark about things, but I also can't bear thinking anyone sees my absence as not caring or anything like that. I care more than I can express about this page and those I've met here, I just haven't felt in control of much at all lately and need to work on getting back to myself before I have the energy to fully function and tend to most things in my life again. I will never judge anyone for unsubscribing to fulfill their needs elsewhere if my sporadic posting doesn't cut it in the meantime, I'm simply grateful for the support I've gotten in the first place and will be *trying* to keep it positive from now on. Thank you for everything. ❤️❣️